I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize