Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
