Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
