So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
