sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my shit smells like andre
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
