I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
