I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
