I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
