Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
