you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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