you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
