I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
