she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
