everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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