The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
