Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
