The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The ass gains better be worth it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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