i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
