Do you still have your period?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
