just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
