Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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