I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
