i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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