Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
