Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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