Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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