If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
