community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
