Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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