I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
