im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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