Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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