What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
