You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
