I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
