His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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