I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
