Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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