yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
