I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
