I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
