Nicole vs. Life
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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