I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
