Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
