John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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