dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
