my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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