You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
