bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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