I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How does one acquire holy water?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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