I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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