Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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