I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I want to be your penis for a week.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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