It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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