But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
