First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
