I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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