it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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