Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
