mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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