Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time