Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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