please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
