PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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