dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
