How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
